Mommy Wonka and The Snot Factories
We are covered in snow here in Michigan. Everybody is going mad with cabin fever - I look out the window and it appears as though we're on some planet not fit for human life; I even went down to the store and bought some bird suet hoping we'd attract some feathered friends and that they'd keep us company in the back yard, but, apparently the birds would rather starve than go out in this god-forsaken weather.
And EVERYONE is sick. Everyone. My parents, my friends, my neighbors, my kids.
I went out to dinner at a local establishment with a couple of girlfriends Friday night, and as I was leaving, I walked past the table where my neighbor, Ellen (Hi Ellen!) was sitting.
"How are the little snot factories doing?" she asked, referring to my children.
At the time, they were simply snotty, phlegm-y, and a bit sneezy, but otherwise, doing okay. Well, over the weekend, things decided to take a turn for the worse. Niko woke up Saturday morning with rosy(er) cheeks, bloodshot eyeballs, and crusty eyelashes. (Even writing that makes my eyes begin to burn and itch). And because, he didn't look and feel bad enough, he fell and whacked his face on the floor and gave himself a black eye. Handsome sun-uva gun, he is...
My life over the past four days could best be described as follows:
Fevers. Pink Eye. Goop. Snot. Nebulizers. Steam. Babies that squirm around like greased sea otters and fight like a trapped gator. Warm, wet washcloths. Cold, wet washcloths. Kleenex. Crusty stuff. Mucus. Runny, rancid B.M.'s (HEY. I'm talkin' about the baby, here!).
More goop, more snot, more crusty stuff. More washcloths of various temperatures. No appetites, except for mine, of course. Toilet paper.
Dried snot on shirts. Dried snot on furniture. Dried snot on pillows.
Consumption of various over the counter and prescription products with packaging that features various un-pronounceable words and names such as "guaifenesin", "dextromethorphan polistirex" or "phenylephrine"...
...and I think to myself, "Golly, I'm not quite sure if I should feed this stuff to my baby"...
...but then I read where it says "12 hour cough relief" or "relieves chest congestion" or "thins and loosens mucus" PLUS it comes in orange, grape, and cherry and is probably a better choice than the other option: a sippy cup full of rum and coke for the kid and a second sippy just full of the rum for myself.
I guess the best thing to do is find the humor in this situation... Like when Kyra asks me,
"Mom, can I watch a movie when Niko takes his nap?"
but it comes out sounding like,
"Mob, gan I watdg uh moobie wheg Neego taegs hig nab?"
So I laugh at her as she looks at me strangely. Then, I reply "Yes, you may watch a movie, but com'mere, let's blow your nose first."
"Blow. Harder. Take a deep breath in your mouth. Kyra, TRY! Good, good! One more time. Yes! Thata girl.... okay, one MORE time. Okay, good. Now hold still let me see. HOLD STILL!!! Look up. Look UP. Look at the ceiling so I can see up you nose!!! Excellent. All clear. Does it feel better?"
(Kyra pauses, looks around.) She turns to me, and proclaims, "MOM!!! I CAN SNIFF!!!"
Oh, happy day. We hug with joy and tell each other how much we love one another. The cabin fever has made us all a bit overly emotional and mental (as you can see from my photo above).
I must go now, it's time for a relaxing boat ride on my river of Nyquil; after that the Ooompa Loompas and I plan to gather the harvest from my cough drop trees.
Heh. Is there anything more satisfying that teaching your kid how to really blow their own nose? I can't think of anything right now...
Posted by: landismom | February 11, 2008 at 03:39 PM
Hey Gerb,
This makes my cross-country weekend in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, look like a picnic in the blizzard... The only snot I had to deal with was mine... (which most folks will tell you is easier). Oh yeah, when did you stop beating your kids? I think you should sign him up for hockey... (I'm sure the rest of your readers know that's my tongue-in-cheek B.S. Hang in there super mom... It gets easier later (when the kids move out)... Me
Posted by: Craig | February 11, 2008 at 08:19 PM
I love the picture!
Posted by: Sarah | February 11, 2008 at 10:18 PM
hilarious. i love that picture at the top. something IS going around. hope your kids get better soon.
Posted by: jcn | February 12, 2008 at 12:13 AM
And you wonder why I haven't been over to play Barbies with Kyra! After struggling with that damn virus for 4 weeks, I can't afford to get exposed again.
And pink eye! Now THERE'S a good time as an adult.
No thanks, I'll just wave from the front door as you drag those viral-ridden kiddos down the sidewalk on the sled.
Posted by: ellen | February 12, 2008 at 08:56 AM
I don't think our kids have been anywhere NEAR each other, but we have the same Rosy(ier) cheeks, snotty, crusty-eyed thing at our house. I haven't lost my mind from the spine-squeezing whine so far, so Will doesn't have a black eye (yet).
Posted by: Catizhere | February 12, 2008 at 10:14 AM
Love the Snot Factory pic. Very creative!
BTW- We've got fifth's disease, pink eye and a puking virus here. Happy Days!
Posted by: Stacy | February 12, 2008 at 03:22 PM
Gerah, I was eating tuna helper for dinner whilst reading this. I would like to thank you for helping me with my dieting efforts.
Posted by: Rach | February 12, 2008 at 07:26 PM