To Work or Not To Work?

It seems I was barely out of my hospital gown and already thinking about when I'd have to go back to work and leave my newborn baby at daycare. I just can't help feeling this way, but I DREAD it, even though I really like my job. My boss and I left it like this: Because I work part time (about 25 hours a week on average), I don't get a paid maternity leave. It's up to me to decide when I'd like to return. Before Niko was born, I worked three full days - Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. When I return, my boss would like me to be there every day - probably mornings or afternoons.

Great! you say... Wonderful! How lucky you are, Gerah!

Well, yes, but not completely. Like I said, I really enjoy my job, but dang it, I don't make much money.  Jeremy brings home the bacon, so to speak. He also provides the medical insurance, and benefits. And daycare for two children is not cheap. Once I pay for child care and taxes are withdrawn from my income, I start to wonder if working is even worth it... When I work, I have to buy nice clothes. I have to spend much of my free time cleaning and doing laundry, instead of enjoying my little ones and playing with them when I'm home with them. On the days I work, we come home to no dinner, and end up ordering take out or eating crap food. If I work, I'll have to pump breast milk and deal with all the bottles and frozen milk storage, yadayadayada.

But, when I work, I feel good. I'm part of the "real world". And even though I may only be making peanuts, I'm staying in the workforce and building my experience, which will pay off in the long run. My job is close. Five minutes away. Call me shallow and selfish, but I love pedicures. Not cheap ones, people. Expensive pedicures. And many, many other expensive and pretty things.

Why oh why wasn't I born into royalty?

I believe time away from kids is good for mama and time away from mama is good for kids. (Well, let me make an exception. I HATE the thought of leaving my newborn baby. An older baby, okay, yes. A toddler, fine. But newborn? The thought of it makes me tear up.)

So, I find myself wondering how other people make their decisions about their family's work/family balance situation and want to know how you decide.

Here's my question to you, Internet:

1) What do you do for a living?
2) How much money do you make?
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny?
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?
5) Where do you live?
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?

Tell me, please oh please oh please? Leave your comments anonymously. I don't care how much money my readers make, and obviously if you're a stay at home mom, you're "volunteering" your time, but I still want to hear why you made the decision you did. I'm curious about income because that, along with daycare costs obviously plays a huge role in the decision making.

One more thing: Do you feel like people turn their nose up at you because you chose to work or stay home?

I personally used to assume all stay at home moms were simple, uneducated women who had no lives of their own... Then I had a baby and everything I assumed was turned upside down. I then understood why a woman might want to give up everything to stay home with her kids - yet I also understood why other women choose to work, and that many women have no choice, and simply have to.

And, hey! If I don't go back to work and decide to become a stay at home mom I'll have to change the name of this blog, darn it! Baby Poop and Sweat Pants? Baby Poop and Ratty T-Shirts with Schmutz Spilled On Them? Any other suggestions? Anyone? Anyone?

Comments

[liz]

My son's at daycare. He's been at daycare since he was 10 weeks old.

I used to work full-time. Now I'm a full-time student. My mom is picking up half the cost of his current daycare which is twice the cost of his old one (the old one was $240/wk for infants, $190/wk when he was 3), his new daycare is $1400/month, but that includes daily Spanish, computers, music, dancing, and a summer fountain area - all of which would have cost extra at the old place and they only had special stuff once-a-week instead of daily)

At the old place, I often felt guilty about leaving him. Although we loved most of the teachers and our son loved them (he still lists them as "people I love who love me" every night), they went through 5 directors in the nearly 4 years we were there. The new place, I never feel guilty. He loves it. He's active and interested and it's never chaotic.

We live in Northern Virginia, near Dulles airport.

The initial decision to put him into daycare was based on several factors, but the biggie was that my husband didn't want to be the sole-breadwinner. He felt that he would end up being resentful about it.

But he fully supports my recently going back to school to get my BA and then my masters and PhD in Psych, because it feels like an investment. And with Muffin Man at this great daycare we feel like we're investing in his future as well.

Good luck with your decision. If you really feel torn, toss a coin. Whichever one you hope for while it's in the air is the one you should do.

[Lora]

1) What do you do for a living? I'm a stay-at-home mom. Prior to this I was the production manager for a beverage manufacturing plant
2) How much money do you make? Zilch..but oh, the perks
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny? It's just me...
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child? See above
5) Where do you live? Denver area
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made? Luckily, my husband makes a very good living so we never had to worry about whether or not I SHOULD stay home, it was whether or not I WANTED to be here. I stayed home b/c I wanted to be the one to take care of my son (he's 4 now)... I wanted to be the one to give him his life experiences, such as they are at this age. My husband's mom worked outside the home and while I know he never resented it (it's just the way it was) I know that if he had a choice he would have wanted her home with him. As he puts it, he was basically raised by the neighbor. However, as much as I love my son and love being home with him, I really miss the adult-interaction that comes with a job. I miss using my brain. I sometimes wonder why I bothered going to my expensive private university to get a degree that I'm not even using. One other thing that helped make the decision to stay home easy...we relocated from California to Denver when I was 36 weeks pregnant. Can you imagine trying to find a job in a new city, where you know no one, when you have a newborn? It was easier to say "forget it"!

[el-e-e]

Oh Gerah, this topic is so close to my heart, it makes me tear up just to begin to comment. (But it's also my time of the month to tear up -- and your time-after-pg to tear up, keep in mind, ok? *hug*)

To answer your questions:
1) I am a web producer and content writer/editor in a small marketing firm (that happens to be located an hour's commute away from my home, ugh). I do work from home 2 days a week, which helps.
2) I won't tell you how much I make, except to say that it is just about EQUAL to my husband's pay, and not very impressive, I don't think, for a metro-area job! But we really can't afford to lose half our income.
3) AJ goes to daycare, and has since 12 weeks old. It's 2 minutes from home, has good teachers, but it still kills me to leave him there. Even thought i know, i know, good for kids and getting an education and socialization yadayada. It's selfish -- ME. *I* want to be with him.
4) We pay $180 per 5-day week.
5) suburb of Atlanta
6) Our decision was solely money. (And also, we don't live near either set of grandparents.) If we had enough to pay the mortgage and cable/Internet (not giving that up, sorry), I'd stay at home at least part time. I think I'd love to work part time -- life balance and all -- and if Husband gets the raise they KEEP promising him, I will definitely consider it.

Here's the last part -- I do feel like some of my family looks at me funny (not nec. turns noses up) for working. I'm the only cousin in my generation to work-outside-the-home as a mom. I think they feel sorry for me, actually.

It's such a tough decision. I don't envy you. My friend Jen worked in sales --fulltime, 9-5, although some working from home-- with her first baby. But once she had her second, she just couldn't bear to leave her, and she quit altogether. Sounds like the decision might be harder this time for you, too. I'm thinking of you. I'm also interested in reading the other responses.

[el-e-e]

Crap, that was a long comment! Sorry!

[anon]

1) I manage construction - medical construction - using architects, mechanical, electrical, plumbing, etc...

2)$85,000

3) Full time day care, in the fall he'll finally go to Kindergarten with an after school program.

4)$850 a month full time summer school, but when the little guy was a toddler (1 year old and up), I paid $1200 a month.

5)San Francisco Bay Area

6) I can't not work. The little man and I fought, literally fist to cuff, when he turned a year old. He would hit me, punch at me, horrible tantrums, the works. I asked my pedi what this was about and he said a little time apart would do wonders. He was right. The little guy needs far more stimulation than I can provide and I do to.

You'll make the right decision, no matter what it is.

[Suz]

This topic is near and dear to my heart as well. Like you, I thought immediately about getting back to work after the babies were born, but unlike yourself, I didn't really dread it. I think the difference is that I work from home and we have a nanny come in to take care of the twins. Except when I travel, they're in the next room. So, to answer your questions:

1) Job: Educational consultant
2) Money: Enough to cover child care with a little left over!
3) Childcare: Nanny
4) Childcare Costs: $400.00 for two infants per week.
5) Where do I live: Southern US
6) Because my job involves technology, once you get out - it's hard to get back in. I know that once the little guys go to school that I'll want to work so I'm staying put. Also, and probably even more relevant, is that I love the finer things. Good pedicures. Bags. Nice, nice bags. And just having the feeling of a little money in the pocket.

[another anon]

1. tech support manager (aka geek wrangler and paper pusher)
2. 76k (the husband makes more)
3. full time day care, at my workplace
4. 1300 a month
5. city in the eastern timezone
6. I'd love a less than full time deal, and I've been doing the same thing for almost 20 years so it really is time for a change, the daycare program is amazing and would not be available if I left. I hope I can stay home (with an at home, part time gig) when my child (or children if we manage another one soon) is older. I'd lose my mind with a toddler all day, every day. Many parents I know (quite a few, since everyone I know has kids older than mine) feel the kids need them more from about 8 or 9 through high school. Family may be turning their nose up at me for working, but they did that about breastfeeding so I'm very experienced at ignoring them!

[Anonymous]

1) What do you do for a living? I am an accountant for a large IT company.

2) How much money do you make? $90k including bonus, which is just a smidge more than my husband.

3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny? My son (14 months) goes to a daycare. I went back to work after 12 weeks FMLA, then Hubs stayed home for a month, then my in-laws came to stay for a month, so little boy went to daycare at 5 months.

4) How much do you pay for daycare per child? The rate is $185 per week, but we get coupons through Hubs' company, so it ends up $145 per week.

5) Where do you live? Atlanta, GA

6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made? I like what I do. I like working. I have always been career focused, and I never considered staying home. I was sad to leave my newborn, but it helped that he was at home for as long as he was.

I never cried dropping him off at daycare. I enjoy the time I spend with him now (holidays and weekends), and I wish I got home earlier, but I don't think I'd be happy at home all day.

[candace]

1) What do you do for a living? Part-time student, mom.

2) How much money do you make? I work occasionally at school, but it's not enough to even count. Mr. Foot is the sole provider and he makes a very comfortable amount.

3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny? Me, and Mr. Foot.

4) How much do you pay for daycare per child? N/A

5) Where do you live? Cincinnati

6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made? When Christopher was six weeks old, I started visiting daycares and interviewing nannies. I would come home in tears and none of the applicants came even close to good enough. Mr. Foot suggested that maybe I didn't feel comfortable leaving the baby in someone else's care, and it turns out he was right. I didn't have a career I loved at that point; I was in graduate school at night and working during the day. It was really, really easy to leave my job. We had to tighten our budget considerably, as Mr. Foot was making far less then than he does now. And it turns out that Christopher would have had a very rough road in someone else's care. He has sensory issues and the whole ADHD thing. Babysitters (for the rare evening out) were hard to come by for a while because he was so intense. If it had been me making more money, Mr. Foot would have stayed home. It was important to us that one of us stay home with our kids. I don't look down on anyone for their choices but I do feel like certain people look down on me. Whatever. I really couldn't care less. Staying home has taught me that I am really not cut out for the 9-5 office job I was going for. Really not. So now I'm in a totally different field than I started out in and I'm really happy about it. I've always scheduled time away, be it through babysitters or classes for the kids or playdates. I've socialized them well from the time they were infants, and in the fall my youngest will be a first grader! I'll finally be able to finish school!

Sorry for the length; I *could* go on and on!

[Linda B]

I feel like this post will be written by me in a couple months when I have my second baby - a boy (first is a girl, like you). Maybe I'll just repost it as my own. HA, totally kidding. That is how eerily familiar this situation is going to feel to me. sniff.

Making me teary just thinking about. Ok, here goes.

1) What do you do for a living?

Product coordinator for major retailer.
I work part time - Mon, Tues, Wed for 10 hours/day.

2) How much money do you make?

The pay is decent. For part time work, can't beat it. Also, my job pays for a lot of our other expenses, like my medical/dental, car insurance, 401K, homeowners, etc... I actually do have something left to take home, too.
My husband makes substantially more than I do so obviously it is more worth it for him to work full time. He's always wanted to give me the option to work or stay home, but financially we haven't been able to figure that out yet. So for now, I work.

3) Who takes care of your children?

We've been lucky enough to have family members care for E up to this point.

4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?

400/mo for one child. We will 800/mo for two children.

5) Where do you live?

Suburb of Seattle.

6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?

Well, the money factor was mostly the reason why I had to continue working. In the beginning, I hated leaving my little baby every morning, but it's gotten easier as she's gotten older. I also realize that working gives me a personal balance because there are days when I'm home with E and she won't nap or is whining and I just feel like pulling what's left of my hair out and screaming. My job is really cush and my manager is totally understanding of my need to balance family and work. She has three kids of her own so she knows the struggle I go through. I feel really lucky to have the job I have and work for/with the people I do and it is worth holding on to the job, even if it is part time. Another reason I continue to work is that I know I won't be able to find another job so accomodating to my lifestyle as this one.

Honestly, I feel like I'll never win in this game of work and home life. I have been trying not to think about it too much lately but I'm sure it'll come once this guy is born.

Gerah, I hope you find an decision that is best for you. It's never easy, is it? It would be nice if your boss would allow you to go back part time again. I will hope for the best.

[sherry-is-tired]

Ah, the eternal internal struggle for a mom of the 21st century...

1) What do you do for a living? I'm an editor
2) How much money do you make? $51K
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny? A daycare center (luckily, the same one my niece attended for 10 years, so we're pretty comfortable with the place, staff, etc.)
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child? $540/month for our only child
5) Where do you live? A college town in a rural area in Virginia
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made? I can't really answer this one because financially, we had no choice -- it was never an option for me not to return to work because I'm the breadwinner, I have the health insurance, etc. So it's kind of like I never allowed myself to consider staying home because it's simply not an option.

Of course, there are people who say "there's always an option." In our case, the option would be for my husband to give up his lifelong career as a classical musician (which pays well when there are gigs, but those tend to be sporadic) and get a "real" job (hello, Dad!); however, that would make him miserable, so to me, that's not an option.

But I do hypothesize sometimes what it would be like if I stayed home, and whenever I do, I recall that toward the end of my maternity leave, I was getting a little antsy. I wanted to use my brain again and at least do something I KNEW I was good at (as a Type A first-time mom, I'm constantly second-guessing myself and feeling helpless -- complete opposite from my "work personality"). And I do really enjoy my job. Fun work, great boss, super colleagues.

Yet I do miss the munchkin. I don't visit her at daycare because it's simply too painful for me -- I do better if I stay in "work mode" until the end of the day, when I get her back for good... or at least until the next morning. Plus, working through lunch lets me pick her up that much earlier! And weekends are holidays for me now. So yes, sometimes I do think that it would be wonderful to work part-time -- best of both worlds, right? But that's just not an option -- to my way of thinking, at least -- any time in the foreseeable future.

Such is life.

Sherry

[sherry-is-tired]

Goodness, you could make a drinking game from the number of times I used the word "option." Hee!

[Nikki]

1) What do you do for a living? I work for a non-profit that puts on art fairs, namely the Ann Arbor Summer Art Fair and am trying to do some freelance graphic design
2) How much money do you make? 32k
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny? Daycare
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child? $235 a week
5) Where do you live? (work) Ann Arbor, MI
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made? I love my job. It helps keep me sane, even though I miss my son like mad and I will always wonder if we made the right decision.

1) What do you do for a living?

I'm a scientist. I do research on the genetic influence on diseases like Parkinsons, depression, schizophrenia, autism, and bipolar disorder.

2) How much money do you make?

$46K

3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny?

I was on maternity leave for 3 months, MIL flew in from East Coast to stay with us and spoil/take care of our girly for 2 months after I went back to work, then my dad took care of her for 2 months when he was off for the summer (high school English teacher), then she went to daycare. It was perfect for us. I was glad to be able to hold off putting her in daycare until she was an older infant.

I actually like the daycare center the girly's at. I had her in a smaller, home care place, but she just didn't do well with that caretaker. In this center, there are multiple teachers per classroom, so the girly can pick one that she likes, and that teacher becomes her primary caretaker.

4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?

Infant care: $1510/month
Toddler care: $1380/month

5) Where do you live?

Bay Area, CA

6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?

Well, it definitely isn't the money, because Hubby makes more than twice my salary! :)I work because I like it. I feel that I'm making a positive contribution to my community and society, and it helps me feel productive.

While I love my girly to pieces, I would make a terrible SAHM.I'm not good at singing "Ring Around The Rosie" more than 10 times in a row, it drives me insane to have to keep saying, "Don't stand on your chair, please. Don't stand on your chair, please. *Bonk. WAAAA!* Didn't I just tell you to not stand on your chair???", and I would just feel like my brain was turning into mush and oozing out of my head.

Spending a little time away from my girly (8 hours, 9 tops!) makes me more patient with her, more willing to take a deep breath during her toddler mischeviousnous, and hug her just a little tighter and cherish every moment with her just a little more. Plus, in all honesty, even if I were a SAHM, I would still not be spending my full attention on her all the time. There would be errands to run, a house to maintain, meals to be cooked, and all the other 1001 things moms seem to end up doing no matter how much a hubby tries to help.

I may work full time, but my girly and I are very close. She may be only 18 months old, but she knows that I can kiss her booboos away, that I can give a great bath, and that I will dance and sing "London Bridge" with her innumerable times just to see her grin and hear her giggle.

Her nutrition is also of paramount importance to me, so I make all of her food as healthy as I can. I started by making her baby food myself - she ate one jar of Earth's Best, and that was it - and even now, I make sure she gets well-balanced, homemade meals 99% of the time.

I think that making the decision to be a SAHM or WOHM is personal. Neither type of mom is better than the other because each mom is doing what is best for her family. It's sad that there seems to be such a debate about it. Don't get sucked into it! Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

[Angela]

1) What do you do for a living?
I used to be a media buyer for a non-profit. But I was laid off. I do miss working so much but I have not had much luck with jobs. My other reason for staying home is depending on how much I would make at a job that got offered to me. If I made more than SSDI, I would go to work but if the pay was less, I wouldn't accept the job.
2) How much money do you make?
I made 28k but I was laid off and ended up staying home with my son. Fortunately, I'm deaf so I'm able to get on SSDI which pays $1745 a month which is almost equal to what I would be making at work while paying for daycare.
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny?
Myself and some part-time at dacyare to give me time to study
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?
$1.75 per hour
5) Where do you live?
Sioux Falls, SD
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?
It wasn't my decision, I was laid off and I ended up being SAHM. It does get tiring, my brain is turning to mush and I am looking for jobs but at the same time, I love seeing my son grow.

[The Aitch]

1) I am a graphic Designer
2) as a freelancer, I charge the ad agency I am working at 20 an hour for 24 hours a week. (mon, Tues, Wed)
3) For those 3 days, My daughter is on daycare
4) 350 a month, for 3 days a week
5) Spokane, Washington
6) I was released from my full time in February because my employer wanted me to work longer hours and saturdays for upcoming projects. I said no, I barely saw my daughter as it was. So now I am freelancing part time for an ad agency and they want me to work full time. I am debating it with the new pregnancy, but will probably quit alltogether once the baby gets here.

When i worked full time I was the breadwinner with the higher salary but my husband has the benefits. Now that I am pt time he brings home the bacon and benefits and when the new baby comes along in February I do believe I will stay home. It will not be fun because since I lost my ful time gig, we barely make ends meet, but I do get to see my daughter more and we can make her pt appointments.

It's a hard road and tough decision. You and I have a stressful situation on our shoulders.

[Cindy]

1) What do you do for a living?

I'm a stay at home Mom. Used to work for a major bank.

2) How much money do you make?

Zippo. I used to make a very good six figure income.

3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny?

I don't have any hired help.

4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?

n/a

5) Where do you live?

Canada

6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?

My husband does earn a good income so of course that made it easier for me to stay home. Either way, I was still leaving behind a good chunk of change when I left my job, a decent six figure income is still a decent six figure income. In Canada, maternity leave is one year. The government pays a certain percentage of one's pay up to a specific amount which I think is something like eight hundred and fifty dollars every two weeks. On top of that, some companies pay their employees a top up, many pay nothing but either way Moms are entitled to take a year off. I was extremely fortunate because my employer topped me up (from what the government paid me) so that I earned nearly my full pay for the entire year I was off! After that year I knew I wanted to stay home and I rarely ever look back.

I LOVE STAYING HOME WITH MY KIDS AND RAISING THEM MYSELF, my husband also loves this arrangement. I feel blessed that I got to choose to be with my kids. If I want to work later when they are older I will, I'm educated and I have some solid work experience behind me. I know I may never earn what I used to, but I also know I can't ever turn the time back to this phase in my children's lives either. There are aspects that I miss about my working life but there's so much more I'd miss about my stay at home Mom life if I ever left it!!!
Whatever you decide will be the best decision for your family I'm sure...it's a difficult one for some people but in the end you will make a decision and you will be happy too.

[Jill]

I chose to be a SAHM after my first was born 3 years ago. I was in my second year of teaching high school in MO near St. Louis. I was only making $25,500. I could make more teaching in the city suburbs, but not tons. It takes MANY years to work up to much money as a teacher (and by much I mean 40k or so). I also didn't LOVE teaching like others, so it was pretty easy to decide to stay home. I had my son in May right at the end of the school year, and although I had already resigned my position, I could have looked for something in the summer if I had wanted to go back. I now have a 5 month old baby girl as well as my 3 yr old. I like to tell people that although I'm a SAHM, I rarely stay at home. We are active with a mom's group/playgroup and get together with them at least twice a week if not more. I take them out almost everyday to the park or to run errands. It's gotten harder with 2, but you just have to realize that nothing is a quick trip. I'm in no hurry, so why stress out about 3 trips to the bathroom and changing a poopy diaper during a trip to walmart for just formula. Yes, I miss adult interaction, but I didn't get much of it teaching high school kids anyway. I have other moms to talk to and people I can call if need be. I don't feel like I'm wasting my education (that I'm still paying for BTW) because eventually I will use it, and it's there to fall back on if God forbid something happened to my husband. I plan to get back to at least part time work once my youngest is in school full time. But we are probably having at least one more, so it may be quite a while until I'm working again. We are making it on just my husband's salary, which is around 75K. We don't have tons of new things, but we do ok.

[Wendy]

I went back to work when my oldest daughter was 7 weeks old and hated every minute of it. Now, my partner makes enough for us to live and I stay home with our now 3 year old. I have always stayed home with her. We don't eat out, borrow video's from the library and basically do a lot of free things. But, I love being home with the kids.

[paper napkin]

I stay at home, and before I had kids I taaught elementary school. I chose to stay home because I just couldn't leave my 1st with someone else all day. That said, If I had it to do all over again, and could plan it the way I wanted, I would work part time. As much as I think what I'm doing is right for my family, I'm boooored. I think working part time would be ideal, for all the reasons you mentioned. If your making a net profit after day care, even a small one, I'd say it's worth it. Leaving a newborn is hard. Just stay home as long as you can. And learn to use a crock pot to save money on take out.

[Catizhere]

I'm an accounting clerk.
After daycare & groceries, I'm left with about 200 bucks per week (this will go down to 30 after this baby is born)
Daycare for Mag is 135/week (3yrs & up)
for Will, it will be 170 week.
So, I too, work for daycare and benefits.
As much as I love my kids, I don't think I could handle staying at home with them. I LIKE my job & being in the work-force.
Plus the little things in life like having a home & being able to afford to put gas in my car (3.09 a GALLON??)food and cable tv.....
I live in the Philly suburbs of Pennsylvania

Gerah, I don't envy you with this decision.
We could not afford for me to stay home even if I wanted to.

Cat

[Anonymous]

I'm posting anonymous as no needs to know my salary:
1) What do you do for a living?
Exec. Assistant
2) How much money do you make?
$21/hour - 40 to 45 hrs per week
3) Who takes care of your children?
Oldest, in school and after school care. Youngest, daycare.
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?
Youngest: $105/week (VERY cheap), Oldest $132/mo (Also very cheap, I qualified for financial aid)
5) Where do you live?
La Canada, CA
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?
Actually - it was the money and benefits. Husband is new in his career, and I make more. Plus, our youngest will need heart surgery, and I have better medical benefits. I'm forced to stay here by that.

Do you feel like people turn their nose up at you because you chose to work or stay home? ALL THE TIME, and that coupled with my own guilt since I don't WANT to work outside the home.

1) What do you do for a living?
Legal assistant.
2) How much money do you make?
I'm the only one working, so enough to pay our bills and eat and that's about it.
3) Who takes care of your children? Parent? Grandparent? Daycare? Nanny?
My husband.
4) How much do you pay for daycare per child?
n/a
5) Where do you live?
DFW area in TX
6) Other than the money, what made you make the decision you made?
I was making more money than my husband when I got pregnant, so it was always known that I would never stay at home. We tried living on one income for a while, found it doable, and decided my husband should stay home instead of both of us working really hard to afford childcare. Also, we feel strongly about having a parent around because his parents were always working and its something they regret now. Before the baby was born, I thought I'd never be happy staying home, so I didn't care about going back to work. Now, even though I love what I do, I think I could handle being a stay at home mom if the roles were reversed. But I need the "me time" I get by working outside of the home.

[Jody W.]

1) What I do: Stay at home mom writer
2) $$ -- Varies wildly all over the four figure range *snirk*. DH does better, though not 6 figures, so we contrive to have few needs and cheap tastes!
3) Us'ns. We're about to try a MDO program for the 4 yr old so she can socialize more.
4) $220/mo.
5) Southern US
6) I don't know if things would have been different if I'd ever had a regular job I LIKED. I didn't, plus even with a Masters, I never made much money. Double plus, all the other expenses, hassles, and time-sacrifices inherent when both partners work. Triple plus, I enjoy staying home with the currently screaming kids. Especially when they're not screaming.

Sometimes I'm oatmeal-for-brains, but I was that way when I worked too. I'm just prone to develop oatmeal. I'm finding alternate ways to get adult companionship, and I do have my writing. One day it might even amount to something!

Seriously, this is a decision each family has to base on their particular circumstances. You have to be honest about your expenses and your social and emotional needs. You also have to be sure neither partner, provided you have a partner, would resent or abuse the situation. My husband and I love it this way. Other folks would go nuts staying home every day doing "nothing" (and we all laugh hysterically at the thought of childcare as being "nothing"!!).

Blog title suggestion (at least until everyone's out of diapers: Baby Poop and Jogging Suits? Baby Poop and More Baby Poop? The Poop on Babies? Poop on the Baby? I'm assuming the baby poop is the definitive ingredient *heh*)

[Maleeha]

Dear ladies,
Thank you for posting this information, and thank you Gerah for providing this forum. Reading about others experiences is really very informative because I am getting closer to that stage of my life where this juggling act will have to take place, and I'm nervous about how I'll do it. I'm 24 and I have one year of grad school left, after which I plan to work for a couple of years before having kids. What comes after that - I dont know. But now I have some idea after reading about the various experiences of other mommies. Thank you all!