She Who Hath Mastered The Throne!

I vaguely recall a time in my life when pooping and peeing by ones self was just something that we all did. It was only part of being a human - nothing special, really. Nothing to make a big deal about... No different than breathing or sneezing or coughing while alone in a room...

It's just a function of the body. Sometimes you just feel the need, and... There. Done.

Nowadays, using the toilet is cause for celebration. When the wee lass whom resides in our home walks into the bathroom on her own accord, shuts the door, does her duty, and finishes up without assistance from an adult, it's as if the clouds opened up and Jesus himself descended from heaven right before our very eyes. It's a blessed miracle.

"Mommy! I POOPED in DA PODDY!" a small voice yells from the bathroom, as I sweep the kitchen floor after dinner...

Time stands still. I drop the broom and the dustpan. I gasp. "You POOPED!!? All by yourself!!?"

I dance a happy jig into the stinky bathroom while I sing congratulations. "Kyra went-a-poopie, Kyra went-a-poopie! Yippee! Let's bake a cake! Hooray! What a big girl you are!!"

Oh. It doesn't stop there. Usually after I hop and sing and congratulate, I have to tell her how extraordinarily wonderful she is. We gather round the toilet bowl, look inside together, and bask in the afterglow.

"Kyra. Have I ever told you that you are the best gosh darn kid on the planet? Just look in that toilet. Look at what a good job you did. You're spectacular. You're fantastic. You're supercalafragalisticexpealadocious. Honestly - you might be a genius. Have you considered Harvard? Yale? Shall we flush now?"

As I place my adult sized hand on the handle, she places her smaller hand atop mine, and together, as one, we flush.

And then, like almost every time she does a #2, we watch as the water slowly recedes, but then instead of emptying completely, begins to rise again due to the enormous turd that has just clogged the siphon. When she GOES, well, she goes.

How a person her size can produce that much poop in one sitting is beyond me. I won't lie. I've never seen anything like it. She looks like me and acts like me, but, um, I think this trait she gets from her father.

Comments

[Cat]

:::SIGH:::

ok. I'm jealous.
Maggie will be 3 in June. and.is.still.in.pull-ups.

She will go pee if dragged upstairs but poo???? Oh no.

[Bev]

Oh, I totally understand where you're coming from! We make a HUGE deal out of our son's poop. I tell you if my friends could see me now! I am just so happy not to have to change another poopy diaper, well, another toddler poopy diaper. And like you, I wonder how such a little person makes such a huge poop? Another one of life's mysteries!

[Latte Man]

My wife and I continued the "poop party" right up until recently when our daughter announced, "It is just poop... you guys are so silly"

Shut us up quite quick.

On the other side of things however, she is never "silent" about it, she always needs to announce (regardless of who may be in the house), "I'm goin' poop!"

[Stacy Quarty]

"Basking in the afterglow" of poop. Now that's rich! LOL

My 3-year-old still does lumberjack-sized poops. I don't understand how someone so little could produce a poop with that kind of diameter! Maybe little ones' poops are so large due to the fact they wait forever to go- then it gets all compacted and wide. Oh, and yeah, we have clogged toilets on a weekly basis due to the lumberjack poops.

[Diana]

My son likes to flush the toilet. We're no where near potty training, so I have nothing to add but that. But he REALLY likes to flush. Hopefully that will continue into adulthood so his wife doesn't want to kill him...

[Sarcastic Journalist]

I swear, by the way my husband acts after he takes a dump, he wants me to do the poop dance for him as well. I think he might also want me to call him a "big boy," but i have to draw the line somewhere.

[kittenpie]

funny, I know my daughter gets it from misterpie - I've been know to call him "Super Pooper" to tease, but he gets a little touchy about it. We have started the potty thing here, but it's sort of on the back burner while she gets settled in her new daycare.

[Jo Anna]

Hilarious!!!

We STILL get all excited. Our twins just turned 3. They get to watch 15 minutes of a video every time they poop. It was something we started when we first began potty training, but now I'm afraid they'll take this with them to college and not realize they can watch videos whenever they darn well please -- and in longer than quarter-of-an-hour increments.

Jo Anna

[jennifer]

so... maybe if i sing and dance when my beagles pee outside, they'll quit doing it in the house?

just kidding. congratulations!

[Jerri Ann]

my 3 year old has never pooped in the potty, as a matter of fact, he only pee's in it at school on a regular basis, at home, he half uses it and half uses his pull-up, I imagine though, the day he poops, that is exactly the kind of party we are having! how much fun are kiddo's?

[mmc]

How did you get into my bathroom? Do you have my house bugged?

I'm laughing so hard I can barely type.
Except, of course, my son will have absolutely nothing to do with pooping in the toilet, only urine. This truly may be the parenting issue that succeeds in pushing me over the edge completely...

[Heather]

We're working on flushing in our house. Somewhere in the last few months, our 5-year-old daughter has decided flushing is so last year! And then she has the nerve to tell me she didn't do it! Considering her and I are the only ones in the house the use toilet paper when peeing, I explain that I wasn't born yesterday, cause I know it wasn't me!

[Monica C.]

How about a poop so large that you witness your child's tummy shrinking before your eyes as they go "poopy"? LOL! Or lots of fuss and hoopla about a wee little poopy? Whoo boy, I need to get out more ...

[Colleen]

You are so funny! Mastering the poop on the potty is definitely a BIG DEAL and one to be celebrated (again and again and again!). But I'm wondering....does she wipe herself, too?? My four year old still wants me to wipe the poop. Wondering how long THAT chore will go on? Of course, I know it will be a L-O-N-G T-I-M-E seeing as I have a non-potty-trained 2 year old as well. OY!

[Elizabeth]

Yay Kyra! Do you remember that old Toys 'R Us commercial with the little boy picking out a toy and then telling the cashier "I pooped in the potty"? Well it was popular when Ryan was training, so the first time he went in and did it himself we took him right to Toys 'R Us and let him pick out whatever he wanted. It is a miracle, indeed.

[Craig]

Hey, Gerah, how far can we go with this poop?

[ellen]

the two hands on the toilet simultaneously flushing brought a tear to my eye. what a beautiful moment.

[Kateri]

A lot of my girlfriends are suffering through various stages of poop. Some with children - some with husbands. I have my own little issue with my boyfriend. He takes wicked huge dumps. Easy four flushes, minimum. Sometimes, when he is in a hurry, he forgets to finish the entire job, and leaves the poor toilet clogged all day, until I come home. Mind you - it's clogged deep into the pipes, so I never know until *I* flush, and all hell breaks loose. It's so not cool. And, I make a HUGE deal out of it too!

Oh, and GO KYRA!

[stacy]

I'm so totally jealous. My daughter turns 3 soon and has ZERO interest in going on the potty. She goes in her diaper and thinks she should get an award or something. So nowwe have to get her to do the same thing on the potty. This is my least favorite part of mommyhood so far!

[ellen]

p.s. I was on the receiving end of one of those mega poops yesterday so I can give an eye witness report. Yes, it was big and came shortly after a big-girl fart but unfortunately didn't exactly make it to the bathroom. PU!!!

[liz]

Muffin Man at four is still a boy who poops in diapers. Pee in the potty? No problem. Poop? What, are we crazy????

You have an amazing daughter.

[Kira]

i get served plastic food for pooping and peeing on the potty :)
all i can say is be happy your have something to dance about, poop wise, cause, we aren't getting much luck yet on the poop front.

[Jerri Ann]

Man, my potty training is lagging way behind. My son doesn't use underwear at school but he stays dry and uses the potty. At home, he is just a whizzing machine and we can't quit having accidents. Actually, all we have is whiz in the floor over and over and no potty trips...what am I doing wrong? We we encourage him to go even though he says he doesn't have to go, he flips out. What to do, what to do?